Or at least that's what I think it is. I suddenly realize that as my manager gives me work, I do it. I don't wait around too long either. I just kinda get it done.
I think about this as its 12:20AM and I'm working on a deliverable for tomorrow. Now of course, I could have done this earlier and be asleep at this point. But the point is, he's going to have it tomorrow and he won't have to ask twice. And I've been really good about this. And it seems to come kind of naturally.
This is COMPLETELY different from summers and even full time stints at John Deere, Ford, and even Intel. I can contribute it to nothing other than the fact that I'm sorta kinda growing up. It's happening in some areas more than in others (as I'm sure a certain individual in my "past life" would agree) but its happening. And I realize that you can't really rush it. It just happens.
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Malaise - What is going on?
I don't know what the heck I drank last night, but I am so paying for it today. And really - I didn't even drink a lot (no, really). All day, I've been feeling like I'm operating on half of my usual brain cells and its so wierd. People talk and I know I should understand but I don't get it until way later. I had this feeling in Panama once as I walked across the border to Costa Rica (it was something about suddenly feeling like a refugee) and I thought I had malaria. It really freaked me out. It freaks me out today too because everything just feels so crazy...
Sunday, September 9, 2007
God is Awesome
I don't get these moments of spiritual glee very often so I must address it now that I do. (Some series of events has turned me into an extremely practical/cynical, emotionally-mundane person -- still with the belief in God but not a lot of expression...boy, I'll have to devote an entire post just to that but anyway...)
I sat here and sort of thought about different events in life that have led to the extremely blessed person that I am today, and I realized that nothing or no one could have made all this happen, other than God Himself. As mentioned before, I have a wonderful apartment that I love. I also will be heading to a job on Monday that, despite my whining about not wanting to work in general, is by far my dream job. I am also living in Chicago, a city that I have absolutely loved ever since my frequent appearances with Leeza a few years ago. And I am about to be getting PAID.
I rewind my life back two years and think about where I was. Working at Ford, and I don't particularly love cars. In a position I didn't really like. Living with Mom --who I love dearly, but living with Moms is a bad idea. I knew I would get my MBA but was kind of indifferent as to where I would go and what I would do later.
Then somehow I get into CMU and I'm suddenly surrounded by geniuses and wonderful opportunities. I find out about consulting and aim for the longshot of getting a job with a firm. On a fluke (I seriously found out about Deloitte interviews the day before they came and had to be squeezed into the schedule) I get this great job. And here I am...
Who knows what happens next. My life at this point could absolutely suck and my dreams could be crushed. I do know that at this moment, however, I feel extremely blessed and high favored. It's like God has a favorite child, and I feel sorry for all you other siblings of the world that ain't got it like me :P
But really. I love it all. I love God. And I would be completely remiss in not giving Him the honor and praise he deserves for all He has given me.
I sat here and sort of thought about different events in life that have led to the extremely blessed person that I am today, and I realized that nothing or no one could have made all this happen, other than God Himself. As mentioned before, I have a wonderful apartment that I love. I also will be heading to a job on Monday that, despite my whining about not wanting to work in general, is by far my dream job. I am also living in Chicago, a city that I have absolutely loved ever since my frequent appearances with Leeza a few years ago. And I am about to be getting PAID.
I rewind my life back two years and think about where I was. Working at Ford, and I don't particularly love cars. In a position I didn't really like. Living with Mom --who I love dearly, but living with Moms is a bad idea. I knew I would get my MBA but was kind of indifferent as to where I would go and what I would do later.
Then somehow I get into CMU and I'm suddenly surrounded by geniuses and wonderful opportunities. I find out about consulting and aim for the longshot of getting a job with a firm. On a fluke (I seriously found out about Deloitte interviews the day before they came and had to be squeezed into the schedule) I get this great job. And here I am...
Who knows what happens next. My life at this point could absolutely suck and my dreams could be crushed. I do know that at this moment, however, I feel extremely blessed and high favored. It's like God has a favorite child, and I feel sorry for all you other siblings of the world that ain't got it like me :P
But really. I love it all. I love God. And I would be completely remiss in not giving Him the honor and praise he deserves for all He has given me.
Friday, September 7, 2007
Work! wow
So the time has finally come. I got my job offer in November, at a point where I couldn't even see the end of the school year. Then even in May when I graduated, I had an entire summer before me. It's crazy how 4 months can fly by like that - although these have seriously been 4 of the best months of my life.
But right now its Friday night, and I just moved into my new apartment and absolutely love it! The view is spectacular (check out the pic), the area is wonderful, and the place just feels good. I could imagine life just cruising on happily...
But really I can't because I start at Deloitte on Monday. I have always hated work. I've really never been that into any job I have - so that's really messing with my mind right now. Moreover, I am nervous as hell. I know they hired me for a reason, they're not going to just feed me to the wolves, I'm perfectly competent yada yada....But I just don't know what to expect. I really really want to perform well and make a good impression. And I don't want to hate my life.
So this is bugging me real hard right now. I could lie and say writing about it has helped, but it hasn't. We'll just have to see on Monday *fingers crossed*
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Philanthropy Milanthropy
Just got to Granada, which is a cute little village in Nicaragua. Today I met a cool group of people and had a pretty good conversation with them. One of the girls that I was talking to began to casually tell me about how she saw some kids earlier that were hungry so she bought a bunch of food and had a picnic with them. She was obviously proud of it and brought it up a couple of times in the conversation.
My initial reaction is skeptism about the actual benevolence of her actions. It really started to seem to me like the best thing about her doing this good deed was the ability to tell about it afterward. This may or may not be the case. But the question it really raises for me is if it matters.
One person donates millions of dollars to a charity because of the tax benefits. Another person doesn´t donate anything because they don´t feel compelled to. I want to say that what matters most is the outcome - and no matter how corrupt the motive, the person that donated money actually made a difference. I do think this is highly important, but not so sure how it makes me feel in the scheme of things.
Before the summer began, I contemplated doing a long vacation somewhere. What better way to do a vacation and really get to know a country, I thought to myself, than to volunteer at the same time? It seemed to be a wonderful idea to head to Somolia and feed children or to Guatamala to help the homeless.
My plans didn´t happen for other reasons, but in the midst of this thought process, I wasn´t comfortable with something and I´m not sure how justified this discomfort is. This dilimna questions of the motives of Abraham Lincoln, who could have fought for the abolishment of slavery because free blacks could benefit his private business operations. Or Nelson Mandela, who´s possible motive in the struggle against apartheid was not as selfless as the suspected elimination disenfranchisement to his fellow people, but due to the fact that his own ego was supressed.
Does it really matter that are motives, when uncovered on a deeper level, are selfish and discieving? Is it better to let a problem exist than improve it for reasons that we would be too embarrassed to admit?
I´m not sure. I would rather the motive and the philanthropy happen simultaneously. I would love even more to continue pretending that this is the case, as most people seem to do.
My initial reaction is skeptism about the actual benevolence of her actions. It really started to seem to me like the best thing about her doing this good deed was the ability to tell about it afterward. This may or may not be the case. But the question it really raises for me is if it matters.
One person donates millions of dollars to a charity because of the tax benefits. Another person doesn´t donate anything because they don´t feel compelled to. I want to say that what matters most is the outcome - and no matter how corrupt the motive, the person that donated money actually made a difference. I do think this is highly important, but not so sure how it makes me feel in the scheme of things.
Before the summer began, I contemplated doing a long vacation somewhere. What better way to do a vacation and really get to know a country, I thought to myself, than to volunteer at the same time? It seemed to be a wonderful idea to head to Somolia and feed children or to Guatamala to help the homeless.
My plans didn´t happen for other reasons, but in the midst of this thought process, I wasn´t comfortable with something and I´m not sure how justified this discomfort is. This dilimna questions of the motives of Abraham Lincoln, who could have fought for the abolishment of slavery because free blacks could benefit his private business operations. Or Nelson Mandela, who´s possible motive in the struggle against apartheid was not as selfless as the suspected elimination disenfranchisement to his fellow people, but due to the fact that his own ego was supressed.
Does it really matter that are motives, when uncovered on a deeper level, are selfish and discieving? Is it better to let a problem exist than improve it for reasons that we would be too embarrassed to admit?
I´m not sure. I would rather the motive and the philanthropy happen simultaneously. I would love even more to continue pretending that this is the case, as most people seem to do.
Monday, August 27, 2007
The Dog
I´m in Nicaragua right now. The other day I saw a dog sitting in front of his owner´s house. He smiled at me and I smiled back. It was the wierdest thing ever.
Tuesday, August 7, 2007
Things Markita Hates/Likes
It occured to me that, in my everyday life, there are various things that really bother me. But to not be negative, I've decided I need to try to couple these with things that I like as well. (I really don't lean toward negativity -- there's just something particularly profound about realizing you hate things. Try it.)
The list starts here.
Things Markita likes:
1. Really nice people
The other day, my friends and I were coming back from Caribana and were in traffic to get on the freeway. A couple to the left of us lightly honks at us, rolls down their window, and asks if they can get in front of me so that they can make the next right turn. I reply "Sure, no problem" and they smile and say, "Thank you, that's really nice of you."
It is, in itself, the most mundane exchange ever. But something about their pleasant attitude and courtesy really struck me. I mean, there's nothing wrong with the person that simply honks and points to the front of you - that's I what I do. However, to roll the window down and ask, and then compliment me on simply allowing what any other decent human being would allow, is exceptionally polite. In 2 minutes, they made my day.
Things Markita hates:
1. Cold
Everything cold. I seem to have no appreciation for anything less than 70 degrees F. In fact, I am in love with hot. I like being hot and I love hot weather. So it sometimes makes me angry that everywhere I go it's so damn cold. And I know I know...I grew up in Michigan and should be used to it. For some reason, this response is the first thing out of people's mouths. People's body temperatures don't change for living in cold weather. I didn't notice I hated cold weather as a kid, but now that I do, winters get worse every year.
But it's not the winters that piss me off so much either. What pisses me off is the summers that don't seem to understand the rules. Or the vacations that don't quite get why
I'm on them. I went to Greece a month ago, and even though it was 2 of the best weeks of my life, I hated that I sat on the beach with a hooded jacket on. Last summer, I lived in Portland and they probably had like a week over 90 degrees and the rest was under 80. Check me out hiding (behind Harry's hairy leg)
in my usual beach attire -- cold as hell!
And why is it that movie theaters, malls, restaurants, office buildings...actually everyone thinks that its a good idea to freeze the people that are in their establishment? Why do I wear sweaters in the summer just as often as in the winter simply because I can't stand the goose bumps that form on my bare arms whenever I step inside a building? I would think that these people would want to save costs and turn the air down.
At the moment we have 90 degree weather in Detroit and I'm probably the only one that's not complaining. And trust me, it takes a lot to get me to complain about the heat....you won't hear it.
The list starts here.
Things Markita likes:
1. Really nice people
The other day, my friends and I were coming back from Caribana and were in traffic to get on the freeway. A couple to the left of us lightly honks at us, rolls down their window, and asks if they can get in front of me so that they can make the next right turn. I reply "Sure, no problem" and they smile and say, "Thank you, that's really nice of you."
It is, in itself, the most mundane exchange ever. But something about their pleasant attitude and courtesy really struck me. I mean, there's nothing wrong with the person that simply honks and points to the front of you - that's I what I do. However, to roll the window down and ask, and then compliment me on simply allowing what any other decent human being would allow, is exceptionally polite. In 2 minutes, they made my day.
Things Markita hates:
1. Cold
Everything cold. I seem to have no appreciation for anything less than 70 degrees F. In fact, I am in love with hot. I like being hot and I love hot weather. So it sometimes makes me angry that everywhere I go it's so damn cold. And I know I know...I grew up in Michigan and should be used to it. For some reason, this response is the first thing out of people's mouths. People's body temperatures don't change for living in cold weather. I didn't notice I hated cold weather as a kid, but now that I do, winters get worse every year.
But it's not the winters that piss me off so much either. What pisses me off is the summers that don't seem to understand the rules. Or the vacations that don't quite get why
I'm on them. I went to Greece a month ago, and even though it was 2 of the best weeks of my life, I hated that I sat on the beach with a hooded jacket on. Last summer, I lived in Portland and they probably had like a week over 90 degrees and the rest was under 80. Check me out hiding (behind Harry's hairy leg)in my usual beach attire -- cold as hell!
And why is it that movie theaters, malls, restaurants, office buildings...actually everyone thinks that its a good idea to freeze the people that are in their establishment? Why do I wear sweaters in the summer just as often as in the winter simply because I can't stand the goose bumps that form on my bare arms whenever I step inside a building? I would think that these people would want to save costs and turn the air down.
At the moment we have 90 degree weather in Detroit and I'm probably the only one that's not complaining. And trust me, it takes a lot to get me to complain about the heat....you won't hear it.
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